The 8 Kinds of Valentines Day - and a Whisky to match each one!
OK. We know that Valentine’s Day isn’t a glitter-encrusted, heart-shaped, fairytale dream for everyone, so here we have nailed down whisky for EVERY kind of Valentines Day (not just the type spent in a restaurant with a violinist awkwardly serenading your table).
1) “What? Today’s Valentines Day?!” type of Valentines Day for people who honestly don’t care.
If you rock up to work on Friday 14th and wonder why Linda from HR has three bouquets of roses on her desk, or why Janelle in Accounts was sent a life-size teddy bear (which creepily looks a lot like Gary from IT), or why Mark from Customer Service is walking around pale-faced muttering ‘I forgot,’ and it takes you a hot minute to figure out why - then this is you! You’re an independent spirit who doesn’t buy into Hallmark-invented holidays. It’s honestly not even on your radar.
For you, you absolute legend, the Whisky Doctor prescribes Craoi Na Mona 10 Years Old. It’s double-matured in in American Oak Casks then shipped to Scotland where it hangs out there for 5 months in heavily-peated casks before being bottled. It’s sweet and it’s smooth - just like a Valentines Day spent doing whatever the hell you want.
2) “Ugh we don’t do Valentines Day Anymore” for the low-key stay at home Couples Valentines Day
So this is your day: you wake up, cram some toast in, head to work, at some point someone sticks their head in the door and ask ‘what the big plans are tonight’ and you say ‘oh yup….a romantic dinner’ but the reality is that you’ll be on the couch in mismatched PJ’s with your significant other watching Love Island. You guys have spent so many Valentine’s days together that it just feels like another (awesome) day that you get to spend hanging out.
If you want to crack a dram in front of Love Island, we suggest something solid, but low-key - like the Archie Rose Rye Malt Whisky. This is a great offering from a relatively new Sydney distillery - it’s floral, it’s fruity, and it’s an absolute treat (like your significant other).
3) First Valentine’s Day Together and it HAS TO BE PERFECT OR WE WILL BREAK UP
TODAY. HAS. TO. BE. PERFECT. It’s the first Big Test - the first Valentine’s day together and you are planning the day with military-like precision to make sure it’s perfect. There’s the brunch, the lunch, the afternoon walk, the dinner, the jewellery, the skywriting, the schwanky hotel - you’re now broke but it’s worth it because L-O-V-E. Honestly, if you’re going all out with the plans, you’ve gotta go all out with the whisky.
We think a bottle of Glenlivet 21 Archive fits the bill perfectly. Not only does it come beautifully packaged, but this sweet, woody blend contains whiskies aged 40 years (!) and older. If you can’t win them over with this whisky, dump them immediately.
4) Galentine or Bro-entine’s Day - hanging out with mates because who needs a partner?
If this is you, you probably have a tradition every year to boycott anything vaguely romantic and hang out with your best mates on Valentines Day. You’re on a back deck or piled in a lounge room, there’s pizza, the mate with the worst taste in music has control of the Bluetooth speaker - it’s tradition and you wouldn’t break it for the world. At some point, someone brings a full bottle of whisky out of nowhere and everyone cheers - and we reckon the Redbreast 12 Year old Cask Strength will be a total crowd-pleaser. It’s a bona fide standout Irish whisky that is rich, smooth and complex - and perfect to share between friends.
5) A Valentine’s Day Proposal - I’m Popping the question today!
Alright, take deep breaths. If this is you, you might have actually had a first date on Valentine’s day a few years back - you’ve grown together, maybe you’ve moved in, you’ve travelled, you maybe have a dog or a cat (or both?) - and today is the perfect day to pop the question. You have the ring, you’ve practiced getting down on one knee - but the big question isn’t ‘will you marry me?’, it’s actually ‘what whisky will we drink to celebrate?’ And don’t worry, we have that part covered - you’ll want to celebrate the occasion with the Glenfarcas 25. This delightfully tangy, zesty whisky is from one of Scotland’s only independent, family-run distilleries, and should absolutely be involved in any special occasion.
6) An Instagrammable Valentines Day - We are Having this bohemian-style Picnic just for the Instagram Likes
So you don’t like your partner that much, but they look great in photos so you stick it out. If you’re an Instagram couple, don’t worry - we froth on #aesthetic whisky bottles. Your Valentine’s Day plans probably involve breakfast in bed (maybe in a hotel that has #sponsored you to stay there), a day or snorkelling or posing in front of walls in athleisure wear, then of course the all-important dusk picnic. There will be a bespoke blanket, a hand-woven basket, some sort of fairy lights that you’ve rigged up on a driftwood frame, assorted cheeses, and of course, whisky. And an instagrammable picnic needs an instagrammable bottle. And we got it - you absolutely can’t go past The Bladnoch 17. The whisky inside the bottle is fantastic but that is beside the point - the bottle and label is stunningly designed and the cork alone is worthing keeping for #aesthetic reasons. One of our team has this bottle on display in their home as a vase for dried flowers, and can confirm it photographs well.
Ethan + Giselle had a gorgeous Valentines Day Picnic thanks to Alf's Kombucha and Johnsons Pet Insurance! So blessed and grateful #sp #ad #partner
7) ‘I hate Valentines Day with a Fiery Passion’ - for those who have just gone through a break-up.
If you’re dreading Valentine’s Day because of a recent breakup or you just can’t stand to walk past restaurants and streets packed full of hand-holding couples - or to see the sympathetic look the cashier at the servo gives you when you purchase your microwaveable meal for one - don’t worry, we got you covered. Valentine’s Day is not for everyone - but we promise that whisky never asks questions, judges, or texts you at 9pm asking ‘do you have my favourite sweater.’ For your first Valentine’s day out, we recommend you love yourself enough to hang out with The Glenfarcas 105. We aren’t saying we put this here JUST because it’s 60% ABV….it’s also a fantastic, complex whisky that is a pleasure to drink (alone).
8) I’m hanging out with my dog/cat/hamster and ordering in because Self-Care.
Thank God - finally a night to yourself! All your mates have Valentine’s day plans with their respective people, your housemates or family are out on gondola rides or whatever - and it’s just you and your furry friends and a whole night of Netflix. Maybe you’re cooking up a feast for one, maybe you’re ordering in - but a wonderful self-care night requires a whisky that is as phenomenal as you - we’d be drinking the Jura 16. This awesome whisky hails from one of the most beautiful, rugged islands in the world (Jura), and is aged for 14 years in bourbon casks before spending its final 2 years in sherry casks. Think dark chocolate, nuts, stewed fruit - the perfect drink to enjoy while curled up on the couch.
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